Hi folks. I am depressed today but that’s okay. I am going to go to a doctor's appointment so I at least have that to do. Anyways, I am not doing much with my life these days. I am mentally challenged. Well, I have decided that I have an intellectual disability, which I clearly have. So it’s time for me to just be open about it. I guesstimate that my IQ is below 90. I can’t help this so I shouldn't be blamed for it. I wish I wasn’t born but here I am. I just exercised and I haven’t really had any time to calm myself down so I just need to catch my breath a little bit, but that can take some time y’know. Ah, it’s not easy being human. I am not rich and I suffer from a mental disability. What can I do? Not much. I can’t even watch a movie or play a stupid computer game. I have ADHD and can’t keep my concentration for too long. So what am I supposed to do? Well, I guess I could try to escape into an imaginary world, but that takes a lot of brains, and I am not really intelligent enough to imagine anything of interest. Was life during the middle ages better? No, but I still like to romanticize the middle ages. Well, I guess I could write about this: there’s been a lot of talk about a European Federation, and I am against this idea. I don’t like states and I’ve decided that I prefer smaller states over big states. A federalized EU would be a very bad deal. It’s bad because most rich countries wouldn’t really gain anything from it either. But no, it’s bad because I don’t like large states. I am sorry but I am not rested and I can’t focus on anything; I’m just trying to keep up with my usual routine and with the timer. I’ll get back to the EU once I’m more rested. I at least have started to eat more and more vegetarian foods, which is a good idea. The other day I tried a vegetarian Bengali thali and I must say that I really liked it, in particular I like the Daal soup. I also tried some Palek Paner. Oh, and I’ve also started to eat some dry figs, because they are kinda tasty and they are apparently very good for your health. I was asked where I see myself in 10 years and to be honest there’s a substantial chance that I won’t be around in 10 years. At least I kinda don’t have much to look forward to in the coming ten years. See, the sad part about me is that my moment has kinda passed, I may have been able to do something with my life, but it’s too late now. So am I just going to sit here and watch the world deteriorate in the coming 10 years? I don’t think so, and if that’s my only alternative, I may just end it. Again, I am not suicidal; I’m just explaining the facts and the facts are that I don’t have much to look forward to in the next decade. I am simply not able to sit around and feel like a failure, I can’t deal with that. Maybe I will move to Asia within the next ten years and maybe I will just live in some shanty town. But when I confront my predicaments and my future ahead, it’s very very bleak and I’m afraid that there’s not much that I can do about this. Life’s rough y’know and it’s not fair. I don’t have the intelligence, the money, or the contacts to be able to even live a normal life. I guess the life that I could live is a life that I have already rejected. I know that I am very depressed today but I need to be realistic with myself: I don’t have much to look forward to and time just flies by these days. I haven’t really meditated yet, because I haven’t had time and today I’m not going to have time either. That’s the funny thing about meditation: When am I supposed to have time to meditate? HAHAHA! This is also going about 20–50% slower than it usually goes because I haven’t really had any time to rest so I guess I may finish this blog post late which would be annoying. I am barely halfway through you see. No, but I’m being honest here, my future isn’t bright, it’s very bleak because I am disabled, and it’s time that I just became more honest with myself. So, would I be better off in Bangladesh? Probably not, but I might’ve been better off in Bangladesh, it completely depends on. But likely I wouldn't have been better off in Bangladesh, and that’s just that. But I wish I was born into a rich family in Saudi Arabia and I wish that I could just do what I want to do, but life’s just not that easy is it? No it’s not and being human truly sucks. When I look back at the ages I realize that it’s truly a nightmare to have to be human. God, most of human life has been nothing but horrible. Yes, life truly sucks and I don’t wish it upon future generations. I knew when I was very young that I didn’t want any children because I knew that life sucked back then too. Why does it suck? Well, life sucks because humans are pretty weird and stupid creatures: most animals survive because they’ve adapted to some particular habitat, but humans have survived because they can adapt to multiple habitats, but the downside is that you have to be social if you’re going to be human and you have to somehow manage to exist within a collective or within some kind of society and as society grows and you become more aware it just become unbearably hard for some people. I guess I should try to find a hobby instead of thinking about the world, and that’s what I’m trying to do with Ethereal Insights. Ethereal Insights is a project if you will where I’m trying to just do what I can do to imagine a world that would be more to my liking. At the moment I am very interested in feudalism and premodern societies. I am also, but less so these days, interested in the cracked vision of the intersection of anarchism and reactionary thought, two semingly very contradictory things, but I guess what I’m really going at is my hatred towards the nation-state and I’m just trying to find a reactionary critique against the nation-state, and those critiques do exist, but they tend to be buried under the rubble of reactionary support and praise for the nation-state. I think my main thesis/argument on Ethereal Insights is that the nation-state is a fundamentally liberal ideology, which it is or at least used to be, and in that thesis I am basically trying to attack the nation-state with different reactionary arguments. I am trying to educate myself more on this topic and that’s why I am reading René Guénon’s The Crisis of The Modern World, where he levels some arguments against modernity and at least lightly touches upon the nation-state. There’s actually an entire world on the far-right dedicated towards something else and completely different from the nation-state: these include groups such as Islamists, certain traditionalists, and this new thing called neo-reactionaries. I don’t know if I consider neo-reactionaries reactionaries, because they’re really not, but I guess they are reactionary in the sense that they advocate for some kind of feudalism, something that is a pre-nation state. I guess I can spend some time on that project at least. Well, at this point I don’t want to plan ahead more than what I have to, but I feel that if I don’t then knock knock 2036 is here. I am really not looking forward to 2036 and it’s really terrifying that I can’t do anything to stop the progression of time. Maybe this is why I am so interested in reactionary thought? I guess this could be the case. Well, it’s time for me to wrap this up. I didn’t mean to be so negative today, but the year 2036 will suck and I know it. Signing out.
Reginald Drax – December 17, 2025.
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