Hi folks. I’m back and it’s Friday. I know that I wrote Thursday as thursday the other day and I must again just state how tired I am of English. Anyways, I’ve bought some incense and I’ve decided that I will begin to meditate, and the incense will serve the purpose of helping me keep focus, and I do believe incense will make me more calm as well. I am at a point in my life where I really need to calm down quite a bit. I’m stressing out too much, but this changed routine has helped me to at least finish my goals much faster, but then again it’s that thing that the brain does to you: it focuses your attention on bad stuff which also contributes to stress. I’m going to keep it real here, I have an exam coming up on Monday and I don’t think I’m going to pass it, mostly because I haven’t studied enough but also because the questions on the exam seem fairly difficult, and apparently a lot of people that took that exam last time failed. I’ve decided to at least try to take the exam and try to do the best with my time before the exam, but I think I’ve got about a 20% chance of actually passing the exam. Electricity is a somewhat mystical subject to me, but I think the hardest part of this exam has to be the fact that I don’t know, the questions just seem a bit different from the questions I’ve been trained on so to speak. I also need to try to remember some formulas. So my goal today is to try to sit down a little while and go through the text book and then I’m going to try to calculate some of the questions that may or may nor come up on the test. See, I have older exams on the same subject that I can try to practise on, but again the questions are somewhat difficult and I just don’t think I’ve got enough time. We’ll have to see. I know this: I need to memorize some formulas and then I need to try to solve some of those practice exams. On this exam coming up on Monday I don’t need more than just a passing grade. Apparently you can retake the exam an unlimited amount of times if you want the highest grade, but I feel that I kinda need to move on at some point. I can’t just retake the same old thing time and time again. At some point I need to move on. So I have no intentions of re-taking this exam, at least not if I can manage a passing grade. But that’s the difficult thing on this test: most questions on a lot of exams are easy and you can often pass the exam by clearing the easy questions and then maybe some harder questions, but on this test pretty much every question is somewhat hard. The questions on the exam don’t appear to be super hard, but they’re all pretty much on the same level, medium hard, and it’s not so much that the questions are hard, as it is that they are unfamiliar to me. My text book just hasn’t brought up some of the things that appear on the those exercise exams that I am allowed to practise with, and this just throws my flow off. I am used to exam questions not being too dissimilar from things I’ve trained on. Yes, I get that the point is to challenge me and to make me engage more, but I think that that’s the whole point of getting a higher grade. At least I think I should be given an opportunity to just show that I know the basic stuff and I do think I know the basic stuff, at least enough to pass an exam, but again that’s not going to be available on this exam, so I will basically just have to try to kinda get in the feel for how to solve these questions or I will fail. The third option is of course that I don’t take the exam, and that’s probably more likely than me not passing the exam. If by Sunday I feel that I’m not going to pass the exam, then I will not take the exam. As far as I can tell there are no upsides to me taking the exam at 8 a.m. in the morning if I know that I will get a failing grade. I don’t want that on my record and I don’t like early mornings, it’s just a lose-lose situation. So in order to be nice to myself and not put myself in a bad situation, I will in the event where I feel that I can’t pass the exam just skip it, which means that I may or may not take the second, LOL, re-exam in spring. So I will put down work on this because I want to pass this exam but I am not going to show up to an exam at 8 a.m. in the morning if I know that I will fail, that’s just self sabotage and I’ve been pretty good at that, so I really need to get better and just nicer with myself. I am too hard on myself far too often, and that’s just not good. I have kinda mishandled this semester, and that’s because I just haven’t got my life in order, and now it’s December and while I might be more ordered now I am like 5 months too late. But I am going to struggle on, because I’ve really got nothing else to do anyways. If anything has helped me it has truly been to just turn off the internet for a while. Okay, I need to clarify I haven’t actually turned off the internet, but I have stopped allowing myself to let YouTube, in particular, earn money on me and distract me. I don’t need YouTube to constantly distract me and I must say that I don’t miss it. I’ve also ordered some more books that I am going to read in the evenings so now I can effectively cut out YouTube and the internet for most of my time. This is not to say that I can never rely on the internet, which I’m doing now LOL, but it is to say that I need to stop being distracted and a lot of my anxiety comes from YouTube. See, I’ve noticed that YouTube has very aggressively pushed videos where people basically just complain about their problems and how they can’t get a job, etc, etc, etc. Quite frankly I don’t need that in my life, because I’ve got my own pretty tall issues to deal with and I don’t want to or need to listen to your sorry ass. The reason also why I don’t sympathise too much with these people is because most of them have advanced college degrees and I am pretty sure that they can find a job if they want to. The fact is that a lot of people just don’t want to lower their expectations. I am not saying that you can’t have standards, but sometimes you do need to actually adjust to reality or do something else. But an engineer should not have too hard a time finding a job, and if you do then you can always move abroad. As an engineer you’ve got way more options than almost anyone else, so please spare me your issues. And then there’s the detail that most of these people are Americans, and I don’t know what’s wrong with that country but it does seem very dysfunctional these days and guess what (?), I want no part in America's dysfunction, because again I’ve got my own very tall problems to deal with. I will say this though about America, on paper they’re doing pretty fine so I don’t understand all the constant complaining and moaning from Americans. Like, it’s not like any other country, or very few other countries at any rate, are doing much better. America is still, even though their president seems determined to change that, the strongest economy in the world and if you guys have issues that you want to deal with then deal with them, but that’s where the political dysfunction comes in and again as someone who isn’t American I really couldn't care less about their domestic policy, but it keeps spilling over to the rest of the world, and I must say that I find Trumps and his supporters victim mentality the most distasteful part. At some point people will have to face what they deserve and if you belong to the social margins and vote for the right-wing, especially someone like Trump, then you deserve to get a reality check. Anyways, I don’t want to care about America but since America is so powerful their issues keep spilling over to the rest of the world, and maybe it would be a good idea for them to just keep away and try to solve their issues without involving the rest of the world. LOL! Anyways, I’m going to need to wrap this thing up now. Yes, I’m out. Signing out.
Reginald Drax – December 13, 2025.
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