Hi folks. I’m back. I’ve ordered some clothes and I’ve tried them out and they all fit. My only problem now is that I bought three pairs of pants and the smallest pair did fit me the best, while the largest pair was maybe on the larger side. I’m trying to figure out whether or not I should be returning the larger pair and asking for a smaller pair? I don’t know but I’m going to have to make up my mind on that one. I’m kinda tired of pants that are too large and just another thing about pants: pants that go over your stomach are really too large. I don’t know about women because they have another body build but for a man, your pants aren’t really supposed to go over your waist, unless you intend to look like an old man, which is a look that I’m kinda done with and tired of. I’ve been fat for a long time y’know and now all of a sudden almost I am not really fat anymore and that means that I need to find slightly and as it turns out much smaller clothes. It’s a good thing being more slim, but I also don’t want to be too skinny. Sometimes you run into some guys that are almost like a long stick, I don’t like that look, because it’s too skinny. I just want to be somewhere in between where it makes sense to be. I don't want to look like I’m a Holocaust survivor y’know, and I don’t think I have that body build anyways, but still that’s just too skinny and I would just feel small and weak. I kinda wanted to be fat when I was a kid and of course back then I was small as a stick but then once I became fat I realized that it kinda sucked being fat, so I decided to become skinny, but now I just need to try to moderate, something I clearly struggle with. I don’t know why people tend to want to have things that they don’t have, but then again, I also realize that most people probably don’t want to be fat because of the stigma. A lot of fat women I’ve noticed claim that they like that they are fat and maybe that’s true but I do sense that a lot of them would actually want to be skinnier and they kinda make their fatness their whole personality, which is just kinda sad. As far as men go, there are some of them who find very fat women attractive, but that’s mostly a fetish thing, but then again most things that men seem to find attractive is a fetish. But for me losing weight wasn’t about wanting to become more attractive, it was about wanting to not be unhealthy. I don’t give a flying fuck about being attractive. I just don’t want to stand out too much. I also think that if I wanted a girlfriend, which I don’t want, I could’ve had one, but I think I would’ve needed to go abroad because women are easier in other countries and actually I find them more attractive as well. It’s not that Swedish girls are ugly, but it’s just that I feel that they are perhaps a little bit too independent. I don’t mind people being independent, but in that case I don’t know what the point in being boyfriend/girlfriend is? I don’t get it, but I’m not looking for a girlfriend anyways so that’s not an issue. I also don’t want kids, but if I had kids I wonder what they would look like? I don’t know, but they might look like a mini version of me which would be kinda cute I guess. I guess one reason people do end up having kids is because they don’t want to be lonely and because they just want to find out what a mini version of themselves would look like. But I guess that would also depend a little bit depending on how my girlfriend looks like as well. If she looks more like me then my kids would also resemble, outwardly that is, me a little bit more than if she didn’t perhaps look as much like me, in terms of hair color etc,. Look, humans don’t actually look that different if you compare them. A so-called European isn’t that different from a so-called Asian or African, etc. It’s just that humans are silly and they are stupid and that means that they want to define themselves based on the actions and characteristics of others as opposed to their own achievements, which again is profoundly sad. Yes, it’s hard being human, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t y'know try to do your own thing and actually try to achieve something on your own, but I guess me wanting that is asking too much? LOOOL! No, but I’ve never been more attached to one group of people, except maybe my family. I believe that in the future most people are going to look like the average Brazilian and I think that would be a good thing, but I also doubt whether or not that’s going to completely get rid of racism or not, but I feel that at least it would get rid of the idea that certain groups are more beautiful than other groups, which is really an obscene and disgusting idea as well and that idea is as well profoundly rooted in racism and white supremacy. Yes, most photo models are white and I don’t know why? I’ve always been in favour of not hiring photo models and if I ran my own design house I would not hire models, female or male; I would just show how my designer clothes looked like and maybe I would use a doll/manakin, but not a real human. The idea that some people are just more beautiful than others and therefore those others are not deserving is just also obscene. But then again, there are so many obscene, yes I’m using that word, things around in the world that it would be impossible for me to even begin to describe. Y’know, the world’s a messy place and that’s always been the case and I don’t see that changing anytime soon, but I just don’t like that people are being treated unfairly, because that’s not right. Also this whole concept of being attracted to someone is also obscene when you think about it: why would you want to be hijacked by some sexual hormone? I don’t want to be hijacked, that's for sure. This is also why I think testosterone can be somewhat overrated quite frankly. Yes, I know that you need testosterone for other things, but the sexual part I can live without thank you. Most people that I’ve spoken to and that are old and have lost their libido all tell me that they don’t miss it. Anyways, I need to wrap this up because I need to move on with some other stuff, but it’s been fun rambling around today. Oh and yes, I’ve been extraordinarily early today, not late which is a good thing I guess. I’m earlier today than I was the other day. I’m out. Signing out.
Reginald Drax – November 26, 2025.
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