Hi folks. Today I’ve decided to change my life. I know that I’ve written that many times in the past, but I truly need to change myself—change myself for the better. At the moment, I am pretty much missing out on a huge part of my life since I wake up much too late, around 11 o’clock in the morning. This means that I just have a couple of hours before it’s afternoon. I am also sleeping too badly. I need at least 8.5 hours of sleep, and right now I am oscillating between perhaps 6 and 7 hours a day. This is simply far too little. If I don’t have an alarm waking me up, I might go on sleeping for 10 hours; that’s how long I sleep. But sleeping 10 hours means that I miss out on a lot in life, but that also means that I just need to wake up earlier. I’d like to wake up at least at 7 o’clock in the morning, but perhaps even earlier. If I’m gonna have a lot of routines and things to do, I need time. If I am going to remain committed to cleaning my room, exercising every day, etc, I need to have enough time to do these things. When I am waking up at 11 o’clock, I simply don’t have enough time. This means that I need to go to bed at around 11 o’clock, and that’s by far my biggest challenge, because I’m a late owl. I like staying up late, and I like doing stuff while it’s nighttime, but that doesn’t work in this world, because most humans don’t like to stay up at night. I’d love for most people to wake up at 11 o’clock, but they don’t and they never will. This means that unfortunately I’ll have to compromise. I also think that I eat dinner much too late. If you’re going to go to sleep at 11 o’clock, then you’re gonna have to eat at the latest around 6 o’clock in the evening. Of course, life would be nicer and easier had people just been like me, but they’re not like me, at least not most of them. I am so tired of never having enough time to actually get to places and spaces in time. Like, I’m always too fucking late. Well, that's my problem I suppose, since I can’t change everyone else. I’d love for the world to be more flexible, but it isn’t and it won’t be, at least not for what I can predict is some great amount of time. At least Brazilian music is helpful. Bossa Nova, but while Bossa Nova is great, it isn’t helpful when I’m trying to get my shit together. I am a creative and free soul, and this just doesn't work out with this work culture in the west, where everything’s about working, and then they call that freedom. Well, that’s no kind of freedom to me. I am not a great fan of the west, but I don’t know if other cultures are that much better. I believe Morocco is in the west, but their culture might be considered easter, but from what I’ve heard about Morocco they seem to have this great work life balance, where everyone’s happy and can go out and dance if they want to at the end of the day. What’s the point of this isolation? I don’t see it, and it doesn’t strike me as freedom for that matter either, since more and more power ends up in fewer and fewer hands. The issue with me is that I highly dislike power, and that creates a situation where I always denounce the powerful, but I never come up with any solutions or any effective ideas, since I don’t want power. It seems to be the case that those people that truly want power, tend to get power, but those people really shouldn't have any power, let alone that level of power. I believe in decentralization, meaning dispersing power as much as possible, so that as few people can be oppressed as possible and also to take away the oppressions' sharp blade. What makes me conservative is of course that I don’t believe in perfection. I haven’t got any clue as to what a perfect system should be. But it does seem to be the case that peopel are pretty good at fucking up things that does work somewhat well. But then again, I’ve always viewed conservatism as a losing proposition. The thing I like with conservatism is the anti-ideology sentiment of real conservatism. I don’t like ideologies, and in a way I might even dislike them more than I dislike religion, because at least most religions seem to concern themselves with the here after, and the here and now, which means that they actually do cause less damage. I’ve never been convinced that religion is as bad as certain people try to make it out to be. In the here and now, ideology devoid of religion seems to be a much greater threat, because ideology just as religion possesses the mind of people in a way that I highly dislike. I’ve tended to view ideology with suspicion, because I think that ideologies much more than anything else exist to enslave people inside their own minds. Ideology puts down limitations, and while this surely can serve a positive purpose, more often than not this serves an adverse purpose. By creating limitations in your mind, you start the process of also limiting yourself in life, and this is not something that can be congruent with freedom ever. Even if you want to exist within a mental prison, you’re still denying yourself the opportunity to leave that prison. By becoming possessed, you can never be free. So, if there’s any part of conservatism I do like it is the scepticism of ideology, ALL ideology. People that claim to know the world and that claim to be righteous tend to be very sure of themselves, and from my somewhat conservative outlook being that sure of myself would scare me. And people do act cult-like as well, once they’ve become possessed. One thing I’ve noticed with ideology is that people tend to push out those that they don’t agree with, because they’ve reached the point in their mental imprisonment where they can’t even allow themselves to entertain another perspective. So you see, in this way totalitarianism always creeps up on the ideologically possesed mind, and I don’t know that it matters what ideology someone is possessed by. If there ever was a way to make people act irrationally and to make them believe in irrational things, it must be ideologies that have successfully captured their minds, and it is scary, because people allow themselves to burn down the world. And while I might like radicalism, I don’t like it to the point where it becomes necessary to burn down my own house and my own freedom. Freedom is important, not because of freedom in and of itself, and in a lot of ways freedom is actually overrated, and most people would just prefer a comfortable life for freedom, any day. No, no, no. Freedom is important because without it, you can’t know that you’re actually in control of your own destiny, and without that you can’t be said to live life fully. It is easy to live life completely mindlessly and without volition, and indeed many people would prefer this to the hardships of freedom. Here’s where ideology comes in: it justifies those people's state of servitude under whatever system they think is the best, it makes the world easier and life more comfortable. How does one deal with the imminent chaos of the universe? Well, not through ideology, that much is at least clear to me. Anyways, I just destroyed about 2/3 of the Japanese Navy in HOI4. I’m based. I play as America at the moment, and I’m just shredding my opponents. Which goes to show how incredibly unstoppable the west is and could be. History will not deem this current struggle session with great enthusiasm. Anyways, for now good night. Signing out.
Reginald Drax – March 14, 2025.
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